Bye Bye Chocolate

I watched a Netflix comedy special last night: Lynne Koplitz, and something she said reminded Cranky of herself. Lynne said, "I accidentally gained 40 pounds." Which is hilarious in attitude and also kind of refreshing to Cranky who has always said, "Sometimes I gain weight. Sometimes I lose weight. It's a mystery." I recognize my friends by who they are and have never much noticed a few pounds here or a few pounds there. As a child I had a friend named Flora. I loved Flora. I used to walk a different way so I could pick Flora up and we could walk to school together and laugh. Flora reminded me of the sun. She laughed at my jokes. One day in fifth grade Flora was absent and the teacher said we needed to talk about Flora's problem. I said, "What problem?" The class laughed at me and assumed I was making a joke (which was my specialty). I said, "No really? What problem?" The teacher, Mrs. Ney (the meanest teacher in the school who was later transferred to being a librarian because she stuck a pencil in a kid's head) said, "Flora's limp." I was shocked because I never noticed any limp. So I've had a life long proclivity for noticing important things like who laughs at my jokes and who is sun-like. Which brings me to a recent incident when a friend told me her boyfriend was prejudiced against me because of my size. True, I had burgeoned to a size 12 due to stresses at work and my partner's and mine habit of popping nonpareils while chanting, "Let's close a deal" But as always I knew I would once again go back to a smaller size when the mood hit me. I play squash 4 hours a week, take Pilates and dance, so it can fall off pretty easily. The prejudice remark hit me hard. I was jettisoned into some kind of minority I hadn't known I belonged to. And the sad thing is I haven't eaten one beloved nonpareil since. Those nonpareils were my one fucking joy in life. They have been replaced by vegetables. People keep saying, "You lost so much weight" But really I lost something more that that. I lost nonpareils. This blog post appeared here first: https://crankyactress.com/2017/09/03/bu-bye-chocolate/